Sunday, 1 March 2009

Getting there...very,very slowly

we haven't written on here for a good few days- sorry about that. I guess recently we haven't felt much like sharing how we were doing as we weren't doing that great.

It has defiently been a week of ups and downs...its been really hard settling in up here as beautiful a place as it is. We have missed our friends and felt defeated by the lack of jobs available for us. We both did eventually get a job only to discover that it really wasn't a great pub and Andy strongly felt that it would not be a good idea to work there so we, after much thought, decided to decline the offer of work.

Then i got a call from a family who needed a housekeeper/childminder one day a week which has turned out to be a fantastic job- i love it!so i work every monday now cleaning and entertaining two gorgeous little kids. I also have a training day on wednesday in another local pub which will hopefully lead to a part time job there, which will be fantastic!Andy is still debating whether or not to go for an interview there so we will see.

I guess the hardest struggle for us has been the immense pressure we have felt to be doing something a bit more..sensible. The amount of times we have been close to packing our bags and leaving has been surprising, and its not just about missing home but more than anything its been about doubting our dream. Its hard to explain, so stay with me here, but we have just felt that we really should be doing something 'proper'. You know, like a real job that brings in money. A job that not only pays the bills but helps us save, becuase we should be doing that too right? And we shouldn't have to be on benefits becuase we are qualified grad students, and why exactly are we living in this small town chasing after an idea that frankly, we really don't know how to make happen? I don't know what it is, my narotic nature or society but i feel so much pressure to perform, to have a nice house and a good job and to have some evidence that proves what were doing here is actually worth while, and honestly, it has worn us down more than we know. I really do not understand how at 22 we could feel so much pressure to prove ourselves and i honestly hope it is my narotic nature that is producing this and not society because that is just so sad.

Having said all that i guess its obvious we haven't been great. I also know if i am going to make any use of this blog this year i really do have to be that honest!However tonight we are in a different place, and not because jobs are starting to happen, not becuase we have a sweeeet house to look at on tuesday morning in Wooler but because of this...

A weekend doing church.

We had Mike and Jo come stay with us and Andy and Ellie come up for lunch on saturday and we just sat for hours talking honestly and openly about Church, about our struggles, about our hopes, about community and about how saturday lunch was a good way to do church. Being with people who believe in you is a terribly good healer for the sort of wounds we have encountered here so far. People who know that what you are doing isn't going to prove anything huge, or buy you a house or get you new clothes but still believe in what your doing are truly inspirational people to us. Really, i suppose, what else can church be than people inspiring other people to tell a story that is true to themselves, true to God and a scares them more than just a little bit. Honestly- these people keep us going, and there not the only ones- to the rest of you who we know have been praying- we honestly do not know how to thank you. Even when we have felt so secluded and lonely here there has been a text or a call or a letter reminding us that were still doing ok.

More than anything this year we just want to be true to ourselves and to understand our faith in a way that is true to what we are passionate about and what we believe is worth while - and that means only taking 20 hours a week pub work so we can explore that passion than thats ok with us! In all honestly... its still going to be hard but as long as saturday lunches with friends exist and we keep getting those text messages and calls i really think this year will be the most increadible year of our lives....and if least we gave it a shot.

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